The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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