She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
