I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
