I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
