Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
