let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize