New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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