UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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