I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
