oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
