I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
