You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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