i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize