Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
