There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
