Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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