You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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