I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize