he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
should my penis look like a turkey
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had sex on a roof
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
