I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
