took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I want her autograph on my taint
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
