Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
