all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
