I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize