We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
