Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize