take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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