It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
