was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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