if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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