My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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