Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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