Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
