Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
