the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
