I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
