I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
