I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
