you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
