you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize