And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
