Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
