i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
