32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
