the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize