Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
