It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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