mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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