Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
