I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
