I queefed so loud it echoed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
