I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Vodka?
Forever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
