Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
