Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
