Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
