he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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