Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
