So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize