is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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