Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
