She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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