I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
