I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
