If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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