I accidentally burped into my bong.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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