i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
