5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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