Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize