I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
