North Korea, Best Korea!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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