White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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