U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
