her vagine was all disorganized.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
