I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
