It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
