New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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