also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
