I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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