What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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