i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
