just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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