Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
