i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
