I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
