i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
