I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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