i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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