By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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