You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
