He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
