i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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