You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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