how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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